Ep. 18 | Why You Need to Coach Yourself on a Daily Basis
2. Commit to Coach Yourself on a Daily Basis.
Committing to coach yourself on a daily basis is not only a worthwhile endeavor, but also an endeavor directly related to your wellness and your quality of life. You must commit to coach yourself toward your goal on a daily basis, if you really want to achieve your goal. It is this practice that will also prepare you for the certain times in your life that you are presented with deep hurts to heal and grow through. This daily practice is what allows me to walk out of my house everyday and experience my life and everything with which I come into contact in that day as a blessing and an invitation to expand.
Now, please understand, your brain loves the pretty language of becoming a blessing, but it does not want to do the work that is involved in realizing this goal. That is why you must commit to the long term belief in your future happiness over scrolling through your social media feed or binge watching whatever is next in your que. That is not to say that you can’t do those things, but to become the Soulful person this world needs you to become, you must prioritize this work.
A note about our brains:
Your brain is going to want to do the familiar.
That’s what brains do.
A new wellness goal is not familiar.
It requires your brain to use energy, not conserve energy.
Your brain doesn’t want to do that.
Your brain will distract you from your goal by thinking of other things.
Your brain will tell you that you are too busy or overwhelmed or stressed to practice your wellness goal. (You do see the irony in this, right?)
Your brain will try to redirect you to old habits and ways of being:
You have enough on your plate to just get through the day.
You go home and seek immediate comfort.
Instead of exercising after work you make a cocktail, pour a glass of wine, order out, fall back on comfort food, binge watch television, work more.
This is when the Model provides the perfect elixir.
The Model gives you the awareness and relief you need to keep moving forward toward your goal, as well as the insight into why you are falling back on the familiar patterns of the previous version of yourself.
Here’s the plan: When you get stuck, feel too busy, overwhelmed, etc., hit the pause button, take out a pen and legal pad, and get all of your thoughts down on paper.
Once you have done this Thought Download, do an Unintentional thought model. Take one Thought (one sentence from your Thought Download list) and put it into the T line of the Unintentional Thought model. Then, work through the model to understand the connection between your Thoughts, your Feelings, your Actions, and your Results. (See Appendix.)
After you complete the Unintentional thought model, move to the Intentional thought model.
You are going to do this for the next 30 days.
There is a form for Day 1 in Appendix 1.
Each day after you complete the Intentional thought model, imagine for 17 seconds or more the you who has hit her wellness goal one year from now.
Savor that feeling.
Go back to work.
Allow this process to be your act of wellness for the day.
James Doty, a clinical professor of neurosurgery at Stanford, founder of The Center for Compassion and Altruism Research at Stanford Medical School, and author of the memoir, Into the Magic Shop: A Neurosurgeon’s Quest to Discover the Mysteries of the Brain and the Secrets of the Heart, in an interview with On Being’s Krista Tippett helps illuminate the purpose of this process:
Just like muscles, our mental muscle responds to exercise. It’s just which exercise are you going to do.
One exercise relates to mindfulness, loving kindness, compassion, having an open heart, and when you strengthen that muscle the world becomes a vibrant place we recognize the incredible aspect of humanity surrounds you in every person. How every person has the incredible potential to change the world.
Or you can do a form of exercise that makes you afraid, that makes you pull away, that makes you think that people are your enemies, or that people are out for something, and unfortunately sometimes it is an active choice but for many people they don’t even understand that this is happening.
The empowerment is in the understanding that this is happening.
Committing to coach yourself on a daily basis in relationship to your goal is actively choosing to exercise the muscles that you will need to make it over the finish line.
Personal side agreement with myself that you may want to borrow: I commit to doing this every day, but I allow myself to skip one day, but never two days in a row.
This rule can be used for your wellness goal, too, or any goal for that matter.
Giving myself permission ahead of time to skip a day allows for the contingencies in my life. It also reminds me of my commitment to myself and the importance to rearrange the next day with an eye toward prioritizing that commitment to myself about other commitments.
This practice allows me to handle the difficult challenges that many of my clients and friends have shared with me are showing up in their lives this week. To truly master the ability to face the questions these types of situations present, requires a highly disciplined mind entrained to a grounded and compassionate heart.